Tub Story

Here's a quick link to a story I wrote. It's based on actual events.

http://www.spillbook.com/59/cold-tub/

TOP TEN: And it's actually ten.

Top ten crap sequels. I stuck to only the second movie of each group. So Jaws 4 is safe.... for now.

10 Weekend at Bernies 2
Who the hell greenlit this crap. I can only assume there was a bet riding on this.
Cringeworthy: He's been dead a really.... long.... time...

9. Speed 2
Here's something you don't want to hear "This film was really missing Keanu Reeves" It sounds like a MAD magazine parody instead of a real movie
Cringeworthy: Jason Patric as a leading man

8. Dumb and Dumberer
Hey, let's replace Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels with Derek Richardson and Eric Christian Olson... Again, instead of firing this person, they made the movie.
Cringeworthy: They show a backstory on Harry's chipped tooth...

7. Revenge of the Nerds 2
While the first one wasn't The Godfather, it's amazing how far this falls short. Anthony Edwards bails almost completely and therefore had a career for a while.
Cringeworthy: Ogre goes good

6. Oceans 12
The ultimate phone in. Everyone had such a good time hanging out, they forgot to make a conherent movie. It's a worse failure than the previous films because it's loaded with talent.
Cringeworthy: Julia Roberts pretends to be... Julia Roberts.

5. The Matrix Reloaded
Ah, the good days before we knew the Wachowski's would never make another good film. This film blows. It has a few good good action scenes, but they don't rescue how ridiculous this film looks compared to the first one.
Cringeworthy: The Rave scene. Ewww.

4. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
A slightly different twist because the first one was crap. So, we all assumed that Lucas had kind of taken a little practice swing and was saving it up. Well, if he is, we're all still waiting. Again, I think we learned the truth, Lucas can't be in charge of anything... besides merchandising.
Cringeworthy: The love story...

3. Highlander 2: The Quickening
There can be only one... apparently not. We somehow throw out everything that happened at the end of the first one and... oh the hell with it, at least Sir Sean Connery got another paycheck.
Cringeworthy: Didn't Sean Connery get beheaded...

2. Blues Brothers 2000
Dan Akroyd pissing on John Belushi would have been a better title. John Goodman, love you, but you are not a Blues Brother. It takes a special kind of magic to accept two fat whiteboys as Blues artists and guess what, it ain't in this hellhole of a movie.
Cringeworthy: A lot of unBlues people singing and dancing

1. Caddyshack 2
Subtract Ted Knight, Rodney Dangerfield and Bill Murray; then add Jackie Mason and what do you get? Well, a big pile of shit of course. Jackie Mason again proves why he is horrible and why Sinatra should have put him out of his misery. Akroyd is weak and Chevy Chase is cashing a large paycheck. Everyone seems to know what crap they are in and can't wait for it to end... None of us can.
Cringeworthy: Jackie f'n Mason

Currently watching: Mad Men season 3
Currently listening: The Definitve Word podcast

Later.